This blog is about the very last and probably the most important words I said to my beautiful daughter and why these three words are so important. At that moment it was said without knowing that they will be our last words and I hold the biggest gratitude in my heart for having a chance to hear and say “I love you” when we did.
If you read one thing about saying “I LOVE YOU” please read this
I recently was talking to my mum about saying “love you” at the end of every conversation on a phone, online and face to face. We maybe don’t have the easiest relationship with my mum but there is undoubtedly unconditional love between us.
As a child, I was taught by my mum that you never leave the house or go to sleep angry. I taught it to my children as well, as I always said I love you before they went to sleep or left the house.
My mum is a bit “old school” and sees it as a pretentious “Western ” tradition where words get overused and eventually lose their deeper meaning. (I grew up in Latvia which was one of the Russia occupied countries and Latvians do have a bit of a Northern temperament)
I could possibly agree with her that in a way I often say these words to my loved ones automatically, without thinking about it. After finishing a phone conversation with my girls or my “better half” we always say I love you without a conscious thought.
I have to pause here.
Just very recently or so it seems, I understood how important and precious these few words are.
I Love You
(The following contains upsetting content)
Almost three years ago I tragically lost my youngest daughter, she was only 22.
At that time she was staying at the hospital, recovering from and learning to live with emotionally unstable personality disorder. It was the second year of her battle with this largely misunderstood illness. Two years of a nonstop fight for survival due to severe self-harm. During those two years I would hug her and in a back of my mind, I would have a feeling that it might be the last hug we have.
However that week, things seemed to get better.
It was Saturday morning and we were having a quick phone chat trying to arrange her sister’s visit later that day. Getting the list of things she wanted me to bring down the following day. A quite rushed conversation which ended with usual “luv you” from Evie (my daughter) and “love you too” from me. Little did I know that would be our forever goodbye.
Late evening that Saturday we received a phone call – Evie was taken to the hospital unresponsive. There is no happy ending, my baby girl never gained consciousness and was pronounced dead two days later.
I never had a chance to say goodbye or tell her many other so important things.
Since then these two little words Love You, became the most important words in the world. The two words we said each other in our very last conversation. I have a lock of her hair and other little precious things which mean so much, but the most comfort I find is in remembering our last conversation.
So take the opportunity while and when you can!
LUV YOU TOO My darling girl xxxxx